Hockey is suspended, along with every other sport, and although ESPN is doing a valiant job with trying to fill our weekends with ESPN 8 “The Ocho” Bratwurst Eating and European Tram Driver of the year don’t quite fill the hole.

So, as someone who grew up in a town not dissimilar to Hogsmead, picture below, I present the most ridiculous and [probably most controversial column I’ve ever written for Stars Nation; Hogwarts Houses of the Dallas Stars.

Photo: —


Jamie Benn

The Captain embodies all of the virtues and flaws of a Gryffindor, brave, sometimes to the point of recklessness, daring and cocky, stubborn and fierce. I can’t imagine Jamie Benn in any house but Gryffindor.

Tyler Seguin

Seggy is a hard one. He has the friendly outgoing nature of a Hufflepuff, the way he thinks about Hockey gives Ravenclaw vibes and sometimes he has the cunning of a Slytherin but ultimately I think he’s the Harry Potter in the piece.

Given the choice, he’ll always, always choose his friends. Does that make Jamie the Ron Weasley of the Dallas Stars? Maybe, maybe not.

Radek Faksa

At first, I wanted to put Faksa in Hufflepuff after all the man loves an Instagram challenge but how could a man who left home in his early teens to live in a hotel for the love of hockey be anything but a Gryffindor.

Stephen Johns

Having battled back from career-threatening concussion to lay huge hits and hit huge one-timer before the season was suspended, Johns has to be a Gryffindor.

John Klingberg

The Swedish defenseman might have hair like Draco Malfoy, but he’s unafraid to block shots, stout in defense and doesn’t always make good decisions – that makes him a Gryffindor.

Jamie Oleksiak

He’s big, he’s brave, he’s a Gryffindor.

Roman Polak

He isn’t the quickest or smartest player on the Stars but he’s a lion in defense and for that reason, I put him in Gryffindor.


Ben Bishop

Clever, quick and creative, the Stars goalie embodies the traits of Ravenclaw. Sometimes his creative (i.e. adventuring out of the crease) go a bit wrong  but his smarts tend to make up for it.

Denis Gurianov

speedy and smart, both in his offensive play and in his personality, continuing his college classes remotely and dedicated to learning English, plus the quirky beat-boxing thing, Denis is definitely a Ravenclaw.

Roope Hintz

Anyone with an Instagram as aesthetically crafted as Roope Hintz is definitely a Ravenclaw.

Joe Pavelski

As former Captain of the San Jose Sharks, Pavelski could be a Gryffindor, but his veteran smarts make him a Ravenclaw in my book.


Matthias Janmark

Janmark, so talented, so good at making plays and working in a supporting role, definitely gives my Hufflepuff vibes.

Esa Lindell

Gathering young Finns to him like a mama duckling, Esa is definitely a Hufflepuff.

Anton Khudobin

Dobby could be any house, he’s smart like a Ravenclaw, brave like a Gryffindor and sneaky like a Slytherin, but in the end, our adorable Russian goalie could only be a Hufflepuff.


Jason Dickinson

Fast, clever and cunning Jason Dickinson is definitely a Slytherin “who uses any means to achieve their ends” how many times have you seen him hit in the face and still manage to make the play after all?

Miro Heiskanen

Sneaky and skilled, somehow always where attackers don’t expect him to be, Miro definitely has Slytherin vibes.

Corey Perry

You either love to hate him or hate to love him but with his reputation, and after the Winter Classic, Perry has to be a Slytherin.

Alexander Radulov

Radulov could be a Gryffindor but for me, his sneaky smarts in front of the net make him a Slytherin.

What do you think Stars fans? Who would you put where?
There were a bunch of players I struggled to place so if you have any thoughts then let us know, we’ll get through this hockey hiatus together!

Featured Image: Glenn James / Getty Images
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