What is it that FC Dallas fans really want to know? It’s offseason after another year of not winning the MLS Cup. It was a good year, a fun year, but we came up short of everyone’s goal at the beginning of a season.
Now we have to wait two whole months for the next season. We could talk about the MLS draft that MLS Superdraft and free-agent signings or transfer rumors but that stuff is really over my head. So what do we focus on now?
It’s the holiday season, so I’m going to give you a gift. It’s a gift of a game of pretend. The biggest complaint I hear/read from FC Dallas is ownership’s seeming unwillingness to spend big money on impact players — or any players depending on who you ask.
I thought it might be fun to imagine if the Hunts were willing to spend and keep up with teams like LA Galaxy, Toronto FC, LAFC, Seattle, etc? Would free-spending owners appease the average, completely made-up fan?
Let’s find out…
Imaginary FC Dallas Fans Speak Out
FC Dallas Blogger Rodney Hays: Hello, everyone. I’m here with some very disappointed FC Dallas fans following another disappointing team finish. After a first place and sweeping through the playoffs, Dallas disappointed all fans with an MLS Cup loss to the New England Revolution. Anyway, here to sound off first is FC Dallas superfan Bobby Wayne Morphis.
Mr. Morphis, tell us your thoughts on the year.
Bobby Wayne: This team can’t seem to do anything right. We have the largest payroll in the MLS with a front line of Neymar and Mbappe and we lose to the Revolution on penalty kicks? Come on, man. It seems like forever ago that we won a championship.
FC Dallas Blogger: it was two years ago.
Bobby Wayne: Exactly.
FC Dallas Blogger: And the year before that.
Bobby Wayne: Right.
FC Dallas Blogger: And two years before that. And the year before—
Bobby Wayne: You know what? I need to go.
Famous FC Dallas Blogger: Thank you, Mr. Morphis. Now let’s bring in our next fan, Blanche Duquesne. Ms. Duquesne, please tell us your thoughts on the season.
Blanche Duqesne of Earlsboro, Oklahoma shares her thoughts
Blanche: I can’t … I’m just … I don’t … I can’t … (tears) … I just don’t … I can’t … no … sorry.
Famous Blogger: Are you okay?
Blanche: Nods head.
Famous blogger: Would you like to continue?
Blanche: Shakes head no.
Ethel Kumquat offers an emotional plea to the Hunt Family
World Famous Blogger: Thanks you for your courage. Now let’s bring in our last fan, Mrs. Ethel Kumquat. Mrs. Kumquat, your thoughts, please?
Ethel: I’m just here for the championship. If ownership is going to spend this kind of money on transfer fees and salary, we need some players that work hard and want to win championships.
Internationally Famous Blogger: So you think they should spend more money?
Ethel: Maybe. Or…
Such a Big Time Famous Blogger: Or?
Ethel: Ownership could just get rid of all those overpaid prima doñas and just go with a bunch of young guys. Players who grew up in the FC Dallas Academy. Young players who want to win. They know the system. Hungry for a championship. Maybe that’s what they should do.
Megastar Blogger: Yeah, maybe that would work.
Ethel: I mean it’s worth a shot.
A-List Celebrity Blogger: It is worth a shot. And wouldn’t that be fun to watch.
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